I’m completely tapped out of creativity today, given that I’m writing a monsterously large report on online public relations and why it should be done. My brain feels like mush after digging through Google for more info on such exciting topics as the good, the bad, and the ugly of CEOs who have blogs, the difference between TCP/IP and NNTP protocols, and the Google Effect and why you REALLY want to be within Google’s Golden Triangle.

So then, here is today’s blog entry. It’s about as filling and as tasty as a meal at Golden Corral, so my apologies in advance.

Six things I hate:

• Rude people who walk up the middle of the lane in parking lots, making it impossible for you to drive around them. I wish I had one of those cow-catcher thingies on the front of my car so I could simply scoop ‘em all up and then drop them onto the I-40 from the nearest overpass
• Men who insist on wearing speedos and thongs at the beach and pool. My god, is it really necessary to have your fat, hairy beer belly or gluteus maximus hanging out? If I want to see something round and hairy, I’ll go buy a coconut, thanks. For the love of God, if you’re not built like an Olympic swimmer, DON’T DO IT.
• Anyone who doesn’t understand what the passing lane is for. If you’re not going faster than everyone else behind you, get the hell out of the passing lane so we can PASS you! If you’re doing it just to teach us speed demons a lesson, your car is a perfect target for me to throw my milkshake at as I’m passing you on the right. You have been warned.
• Parents who let their children run wild in upscale restaurants. The next time I see a screaming kid running past my table while I’m trying to have a nice dinner, I’m going to accidentally knock my water glass over onto his head or stick my foot out and then laugh as he falls over onto the carpet. I have three little hellions and I will not allow them to ruin other people’s dinners, so don’t you do it either. If you can’t control your kids, take them to McDonalds.
• Parents who let their children run wild in grocery stores. I have no problem running your precious little offspring over with my cart if they’re going run directly in front of me as I’m walking along. I will aim for them specifically if they’re doing something obnoxious, like knocking over cereal boxes or standing in my way deliberately so that I can’t move forward.
• The itsy-bitsy plastic forks you see in take-out Chinese restaurants. I can fit exactly three pieces of rice on one of these things or risk it collapsing onto my lap. If you’re gonna put out plasticware, can you please spend the extra $.07 per box and get the good stuff?

Six things I love:

• People who hold open doors for the person coming through after them. It’s small, gallant gesture that takes an extra .0002 seconds out of your day but it’ll leave a smile on the person’s face. Small kindnesses add up over time and they ain’t bad for your karma, either
• A child’s laughter. Does anything sound as joyous as this? I don’t think so.
• A good Jimmy Buffett song. Whether you’re mellow, merry, or melancholy, he’s pretty much got you covered. Plus, it’s easy to imagine yourself on the beach in a pair of cutoffs and flip-flops (and holding a Bahama Mama or a Margarita) if you close your eyes while listening to him.
• Easter eggs. Easter is right around the corner and I dunno about you, but I think that colored boiled eggs taste better than plain boiled eggs (purple ones taste the best, by the way).
• A good, rollicking thunderstorm. Bring on the lightning, howling winds, and monsoon rain – it’s all good. The hot sizzle and dangerous crack of lightning, followed by the angry bass beat of a thunderclap…woohoo, make my hair stand on end, whydoncha? Plus, the air smells great after a good, cleansing thundershower.
• Getting new shoes. I love the way a new shoe smells, crisp and ready to be broken in. I love the way they caress my feet the first time I slide my tootsie in and wiggle them around. I love the clickety-clacking sound the heels make against the floor as I take them for a stroll. Nothin’ better, I tell you!

Time for me to go back to pushing pixels, bleh. If anyone wants to know about TCP/IP protocols, I’ll be in my cubicle.

Cheers,

Siren

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